Some Things About Living With Crazies (Super Heroes)
by N.D. Stark
Summary: (Companion book for Voids: Rise of Mechaa and the Voids series) The best part about living with crazies (super heroes) are the rules. The rules can be basic, or totally insane. These are my rules for living with the Avengers (and the four of us!)
1. Chapter 1: Morning Rules

**Morning Rules**

1. Don't touch Logan or Bruce's coffee.  
(Logan doeasn't need it. He's Logan. Unless it's a mission day. Caffine can be usefull)  
(Caffine = Hyper Jolly Green = Paycheck. Big paycheck)

2. Don't bother Tony when he's in the lab, unless you feel like doing science.  
(I got stuck for a few hours. Couldn't get out)  
(Clint did once. He had scorch marks everywhere, which answered why we had been hearing repulsor blasts a few floors down)

3. The ceiling belongs to Peter in the mornings  
(Complete with a web hammock and view of the coffee machine)  
(Ask Gwen to get him if you need him, unless you want a web to the face)  
(R.I.P Johnny's confidence)

4. Don't wake up any late sleepers  
(Johnny = no eyebrows)  
(Peter = web to the face)  
(Logan = heart attack and possibly a _ruined_ face)  
(Natasha = heart attack)  
(Clint = target practice [Thanks for saving me Steve])  
(Tony = lab rat or traget practice [Thanks again Steve!])  
(Thor = pinned to the floor all day long with a hammer)  
(Bruce = Anger [self explanitory])  
(Gwen = Long speech about proper sleeping habits)  
(Steve = 'Back in my day' speech)  
(Rohdey [when he's staying over] = military prepping)  
(Pepper = Coffee. Coffee _everywhere_)

5. Johnny is not to be interupted when watching 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' on Netflix [I'll ask Tony to sue them sometime]  
(He is magnetized to them. Why? I have no idea. I should know though)

6. Don't start a food fight with Thor or Clint [or both]  
(Goodbye lunch and goodbye tower for the day. We were stranded on the statue of liberty [dang it Tony!])

7. Pepper needs to do her morning work briefing  
(Otherwise she gets thrown off for the whole day and blames you, and then doesn't sleep well that night)  
(Angry Tony is scary)

8. No dance parties in the mornings  
(Everyone will be exhausted. They are better for late nights anyway)

9. Scary movies are only aloud in the morning  
(Goodbye Thor's confidence and bravery)

10. Clint and Natasha are not to be bothered.  
(The 'Super Secret Death Glare' or SSDG is very damaging to self confidence)

11. Prank wars don't start until 11:00  
(They can get very vicous if started too early)

12. Don't play songs like 'Take to the Sky' or 'I believe I can Fly' or other songs that involve flying around Clint in the morning.  
(He gets emotional because he's Hawkeye and he can't fly)  
(Thanks Tony for bringing it up during 'Truth or Dare')

13. Do not EVER use Tony's coffee machine  
( The one time Clint used it and changed the settings, he was used as target practice. After that he wasn't seen for a week)

14. If it ever narrows down to one piece of bacon, it is automaticly the prize of an arm wrestling match between Steve and Logan.  
(Men love bacon **:**D)

15. Don't bother Natasha when she's reading  
(Natasha will get so sucked into her book; she will lash out if the characters are in a dangerous situation. She also gets angry because she can never find her spot again)

16. Clint's morning sports report comes directly after Johnny's cartoon  
(Target practice will be encouraged mentaly)

17. Don't let Thor pop the Pop Tarts  
(He smashed the toaster when the pop tarts popped out last time. And the time before that. And the time before that…)

18. Don't take or hide Thor's Pop Tarts  
( He takes pleasure in pinning you to the floor all day)

19. Don't feed Tony anything with Gluten  
(There is a reason he has a gluten free diet. Otherwise, be prepared for a sick Tony Stark!)

20. Don't let Tony build things in the mornings  
(Something weird usually happens, or it goes haywire)

21. If any of the following; Thor, Tony, Clint, Bruce, or Natasha; are grumpy or upset, steer clear  
(They are grumpy for a reason. Especially with Bruce. Bruce hulks out easier when he's grumpy)

22. If you wake up on the couch with everyone else, last night was movie night, or you just got back from a mission  
(Don't step on anyone, they _will _get you back)

23. Don't bug Steve on Sunday mornings  
(He is very attached to his Sunday morning, and he usually takes Sunday as a break)

24. Choose prank war / food fight team wisely  
(Johnny = Moral obligation for team and comedy relief)  
(Peter = Smarts, access to ceiling and comedy relief)  
(Logan = Brawn and scaryness)  
(Natasha = Super spy ailities)  
(Clint = Acess to air vents and comedy relief)  
(Tony = Smarts, access to cmaeras and technology and comedy relief)  
(Thor = Brawn, good luck, a distraction and hammer)  
(Bruce = Distraction)  
(Gwen = Smarts, strategy, tamer of boys)  
(Steve = Strategy, brawn, and distraction)  
(Rohdey [when he's staying over] = Strategy, spy stuff, and brawn)  
(Pepper = Good will, tamer of boys, and caffine!)

25. Always be the first to the table when Steve is cooking  
(You'll be glad you did!)


	2. Chapter 2: Prank War Rules

**Prank Wars Rules**

26. Prank wars don't start until 11:00 A.M.  
(We tried early and failed. Utterly)

27. Pranks with pink are the best.  
(Everyone in the tower but Pepper despises pink)  
(Break out the dye!)

28. Web pranks are fun  
(The reaction on the victims face when they find thier closet/room/bathroom filled with webs is very satisfying)  
(Yay for web heads)

29. Origami fortune tellers are fun to use [and true]  
(fold 1: You or someone close will die horribly)  
(fold 2: You will unlock untold power that will get loose and destroy the planet)  
(fold 3: You will be the last one standing after a great battle and die horribly)  
(fold 4: You will somehwhat destroy something)

30. Toilet paper!  
(Just about the same as webs)

31. Saran wrap doors [and toilets]  
(Doesn't wark on Clint because he can see those things)  
(Thor just walks right through)  
(Johnny burns his way through)

32. Hand in warm water  
(Makes it rain in Johnny's room)

33. Do as Elizabeth Swan does...  
(Tony/Logan will be astounded by the bonfire in the kitchen)  
(Burn the bottles)

34. Dye Peter's suit yellow and green/pink and purple/green and purple  
(References! Oh the cross references!)  
(He also won't get the first and last)  
(The second is just because)

35. Place instructional stickynotes about daily life everywhere and on everything Steve uses  
(He either goes blank or turns red as a beet)

36. Piant Thor's nails and briad his hiar  
(And tell him it's socially acceptable)

37. Put ink on Gwen's microscope  
(Peter gets this wierd look on his face)  
(And she freaks out when she looks in the mirror)

38. Replace Pepper's coffee with mulch/soda  
(With the help of Tony of course)  
(The reaction is hilarous)

39. Paint Clint's arrows pink/ use permenant face paint when he's sleeping  
(Off to battle. All fairy like)

40. Spider in Peter/Natasha's beds [at night...]  
(Girlish screams fill the tower, but you feel great)

41. Glue Bruce's note/textbook pages together / invisable ink during an experiment  
(Self explanitory)

42. Replace Fury's eyepatch with a pancake (char broiled by Johnny)  
(He won't notice as long as its on his face)

43. Paint Tony's suit/suits [works with Rhodey too!]  
(He gets confused, then mad, then something in the lab blows up)

44. Domino chairs  
(Self explanitory)

45. Rabbits. Rabbits everywhere  
(When Sam gets back home...)


	3. Chapter 3 Individual Rules

**Individual Rules**

**Johnny:**

46. Don't EVER put Johnny in a small space! Ever!  
(Heavy panic attacks! Gah!)

47. Don't let Johnny cook or bake anything that requires a burned.  
(He uses himself)

48. Johnny is not allowed to 'flame on' in the training room.  
(Bills. Large bills. We need better insurance.)

49. Don't ask Johnny to go supernova.  
(He either get's depressed, does do it, or tells you that's bad.)

50. Johnny is not allowed to play difficult video games.  
(When he gets mad he heats, up and when he heats up the controllers melt.)

**Peter**

51. Peter is not allowed to web swing in the halls.  
(For an hour afterward, it looks like Tony brought out the Halloween decorations)

52. If Peter comes back wounded, let Gwen deal with it.  
(He acts funny afterward, and turns red whenever you walk into the room.)

53. Don't let Peter prank Gwen.  
(She breaks up with him, but then they get back together. Wither way, he still gets depression for a few days.)

54. Don't talk about 'the clock tower' around Peter.  
(I told him about it, he leaves the area to go cry in his room.)

55. Peter is not allowed to bring back supervillians so Tony can build things to hold them.  
(The tower had police around it for weeks!)

**Bruce**

56. Bruce is not allowed to have large amounts of sugar.

57. Don't bug Bruce when he's working.

58. Don't pretend the world is in peril around Bruce.  
(Panic attacks! Heavy panic attacks!)

59. Don't ask Bruce if he wants a motorcycle.  
(He still gets embarrassed about the whole incident where he had to steal one.)

60. Bruce cannot play Mario Kart. Especially the Rainbow Bridge (AKA the Bifrost, due to Thor's insistence)  
(Even though he should be good at these things he always swerves.)

**Tony**

61. Don't leave your technology around Tony.  
(He hacks it and finds out all of your darkest secrets.)

62. Don't play truth or dare with Tony.  
(I dared him to float down the Hudson river. He actually did it. With nothing but an intertube and a beer)

63. Don't take Tony's suit for a ride.  
(Clint learned not to the hard way)

64. Tony cannot hack into videogames.  
(It's just not fair, and eventually he ends up trying to buy the company)

65. Don't dare Tony to buy a big company.  
(He almost bought Disney once!)

**Natasha**

66. When Natasha says she needs space, she _needs _space.  
(Again, Clint learned the hard way.)

67. Don't ask Natasha to spar with you.  
(You won't be able to move for weeks. At best you'll end up with a broken something)

68. Don't spy on Natasha to see how her hair gets from long and straight to curly and short every other day.  
(*sigh* Clint)

69. Don't go into Natasha's room.  
(Johnny did once. [accidently] apparently he has nightmares about it)

70. Don't tell Natasha she's not scary.  
(She will appear when you least expect it. Johnny also still has nightmares.)

**Clint**

71. Don't dare Clint to do stupid things.  
(He will)

72. Don't ask Clint how to show you how to shoot his bow.

73. Don't go into the air vents.  
(They are Clint's 'secret passages')

74. Don't joke about flying around Clint.  
(He gets very emotional)

75. Don't give Clint too much caffeine at once.

**Gwen**

76. Don't ask Gwen if she's afraid of heights.  
(She'll ask you right back... and that doesn't always end well.)

77. Don't prank Gwen.  
(She will get you back. She _will_. And _good_.)

78. Gwen cannot stay up late to study.  
(She's almost worse than Tony)

79. Gwen cannot go into the lab with Tony.  
(She gets all huge eyed and nerdy and Tony gets all huge eyes and sappy. Then Peter gets ticked)

80. Don't ask Gwen for help with anything.  
(She gets all professional and strict like.)

**Pepper**

81. Do _not _under _any _circumstance ask Pepper to go shopping unless it is an _absolute emergency!  
_(Self explanatory)

82. Don't ask Pepper for business tips.  
(She goes on and on and on and on...)

83. Don't mess with Pepper in the morning.  
(Just... don't)

84. Pepper is not allowed to have any access to any credit cards.  
(Self explanatory)

85. Pepper cannot be pranked often.  
(Rage quits and coffee!)

**Thor**

86. Thor is not allowed to use any machines that he can't work on his own.  
(We have a room just for replacements)

87. Don't ask Thor to take you on the Bifrost.

88. Don't ask Thor to take you flying.  
(I sicked over the Empire State building, I don't think the people below took very kindly to it.)

89. Don't tell Thor the people on TV or real.  
(He tries to 'free them from the confines of the box')

90. Don't tell Thor what to say to people when he meets them.  
(There was monkey noises, chest bumps, bear hugs, and running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.)

91. Thor is not allowed to sing 'Friday' or 'Never Getting Back Together' or any other annoying songs such as 'Gangan Style' at all. Period.

**Logan**

92. Don't ask Logan about Deadpool.  
(He gets very grouchy. At least grouchier than usual.)

93. Don't tell Logan he's fat.  
(He'll tell you to go ** yourself.)

94. Don't ask Logan if he wants to be in the Hunger Games.  
(Just... Don't. #Clint)

95. _Do_ cuddle with Logan!  
(He is actually pretty nice to cuddle with. He's like a big soft Teddy Bear! [Don't tell him I said that])

96. Don't tell Logan he needs to shave. Or shower.  
(He can handle himself. Even though he does stink sometimes... and when he occasionally cuts the bread after battle... ugh.)

**Sam**

97. Don't tease Sam about his age.  
(He's actually pretty mature for fourteen.)

98. _No one_ is allowed to _ever _bring in a rabbit, look at pictures or videos of rabbits, play rabbit noises, or speak of rabbits when Sam is in the room.  
(He has the _worst_phobia of rabbits for some reason. Like, he wakes up screaming.)

99. Don't ask Sam to go supernova.  
(*Gulp*)

100. (yay!) Sam cannot fly in the hallways.

101. Sam is good to cuddle with.

**Steve**

102. Do not ask Steve to tell you about his experiences in WW2.  
(As I said, on and on and on and on and on...)

103. Don't ask Steve about Bucky.

104. Don't ask Steve about Peggy.

105. Don't tell Steve he's doing something wrong.  
(He'll sigh and say, 'I'm fine.' or give you 'the look'. [Gwen has one too!])

106. Steve cannot leave the tower on his own.  
(He got lost in the city the first time. Poor guy.)


End file.
